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5 Best Things to Do for Your Relationship

When it comes to love, relationships can be like cars: constant care and adjustment (instead of pricey and painful visits to the body shop/marriage counselor) are often the best way to improve and strengthen your bond. One of O's staffers gets the lowdown from the experts on five fixes to start making now.

1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it." — Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want

2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation." — John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future." — Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of The Weekend Marriage

4: "With books on the market like How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, one of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul." — Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First

5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks." — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, psychosexual therapist and author of 52 Lessons on Communicating Love



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SHEREHE YA HARUSI YA MWANAHABARI FREDY KIHWELE ILIVYOGEUKA KILIO KAMA CHA MSIBA.....

YA HARUSI YA MWANAHABARI FREDY KIHWELE ILIVYOGUKA MSIBA.....

Bwana harusi Fredy Kihwele akiwa ameinamisha kichwa chini huku akiwa amemshika mkono mkewe Upendo Mbilinyi

Ndugu wakiwa wameanguka chini kwa kilio baada ya kusimuliwa mkasa wa ajali Sherehe ya harusi ya Mwanahabari Fredy Kihwele na bibi harusi Upendo Mbilinyi ilivyogeuka msiba mkubwa baada ya wageni waalikwa wakiwemo ndugu kuacha kushangilia harusi hiyo na badala yake kuangua kilio ndani ya ukumbi .

Tukio hilo lilitokea ndani ya Ukumbi wa Lutherani mjini Njombe juzi majira ya saa 5 usiku baada ya Mc wa sherehe hiyo kumpa mic Bwana harusi ili kuweza kutoa maneno machache ya shukrani kwa waalikwa ndani ya ukumbi huo.

Hata hivyo kabla ya bwana harusi kuanza kuongea aliushangaza ukumbi huo baada ya kumwita kwa sauti mmoja kati ya watu waliokuwemo ndani ya ukumbi huo ambaye hata hivyo alikuwa tofauti na wengine kutokana na kuingia ndani ya ukumbi huo na nguo za shamba mithiri ya mlinzi .

Kitendo cha bwana harusi kumwita mbele mtu huyo kilionyesha kuwashitua wengi ndani ya ukumbi hao na kupelekea baadhi yao kuacha kwa muda chupa za pombe ambazo walikuwa wakinywa na kujiweka sawa kwa ajili ya kusikiliza sababu ya bwana harusi kumwita mtu huyo.

Huku ukumbi ukiwa umetulia ghafla bwana harusi aliongea maneno machache kuwa yeye si msemaji kwa siku hiyo ila anamwomba mtu huyo aliyemtaja kwa jina la Chacha kueleza alivyosaidia kunusuru uhai wake siku mbili kabla ya kufungwa harusi hiyo.

Akielezea undani ya tukio hilo Charles Nyawaza maarufu kwa jina la Chacha alisema kuwa haamini macho yake kama bwana harusi anafunga ndoa hiyo kwani tukio la ajali mbaya iliyompata kulikuwa hakuna uwezekano wa harusi hiyo kufanyika na kuwa siku hiyo ilipaswa kuwa mazishi ya bwana harusi na rafiki zake watatu waliokuwemo katika gari hilo.

Alisema kuwa siku mbili kabla ya harusi kufungwa bwana harusi alipata ajali mbaya ya gari eneo la Nyororo katika wilaya ya Mufindi wakati bwana harusi na wenzake wakitoka jijini Dar es Salaam kwa ajili ya kufanya maandalizi ya mwisho ya harusi hiyo.

“Ndugu zangu wageni waalikwa kwanza ni jambo la kumshuru Mungu mimi nikiwa katika shughuli zangu kando kando ya barabara kuu ya Iringa –Mbeya nilipata kushuhudia gari ya Bwana harusi ikipinduka mara tatu na baada ya kusogea nilifanikiwa kumchomoa bwana harusi na dada mmoja na kijana mwingine ambaye alikuwa amepoteza fahamu leo hapa hayupo…kweli nasema ajali ilikuwa mbaya sana hata kiufupi harusi hii leo isinge kuwepo “

Kutokana na ushuhuda huo ukumbi mzima ulipigwa na butwaa huku baadhi ya ndugu wakishindwa kujizuia kulia na baadhi yao wakiangua miguuni kwa msamaria mwema huyo huku wakiishia nguvu kwa huzuni na bibi harusi akiangua kilio .

Mbali ya ukumbi mzima kuangua kilio bado baadhi ya ndugu walilazimika kumnyanyua juu juu msamaria mwema huyo na kumpongeza kwa wema wake na kuwa bila yeye kufika kuwaokoa basi maisha ya bwana harusi yangekuwa mashakani pamoja na mali mbali mbali zilizokuwemo kwenye gari hilo .

Harusi hiyo ambayo ilionyesha kuwa tofauti na harusi nyingine kutokana na kufungwa mida ya saa 11 za jioni katika kanisa la kiinjili la Kilutheri Tanzania (KKKT) usharika wa Melinze Njombe huku bwana harusi na mpambe wake wakilazimika kuvaa kofia kichwani ili kuziba jeraha kubwa katika kichwa cha bwana harusi jeraha lililoshonwa nyuzi 12 .

Pamoja na kioja hicho bado waalikwa ndani ya kanisa na ukumbini hawakuweza kuchangamko kama zilizo harusi nyingine japo balaa jingine katika harusi hiyo liliweza kujitokeza dakika chache wakati msafara wa harusi hiyo ukitoka kanisani kwenda katika hoteli moja ambayo maharusi walitakiwa kujipumzisha baada ya gari ya msimamizi wa harusi hiyo kugongwa mbele.

Hata hivyo moja kati ya histori kubwa iliyopata kuandikwa ndani ya mji wa Njombe ni kutokana na waalikwa kula na kunywa pombe hadi baadhi yao kuzima ndani ya ukumbi baada ya kamati ya harusi hiyo kuvunja utaratibu wa kawaida wa watu kuingia ukumbini kwa kadi na kupewa kuponi za vinywaji na chakula

WAO WENYEWE WALIAMUA KUWASHEREHESHA WAGENI WAO KWA KUFUNGUA SHAMPAGN

WALIANZA KAMA UTANI KUMBE KWELI WALIDHAMIRIA,MUNGU AWABARIKI PAMOJA NA FAMILIA YENU

MAISHA MAPYA YA NDOA KWA MWENZETU LILIAN MSHUMBEMUKI NA MUMEWE

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